The Colours of Jealousy
by Personification of Fluff
Summary: Part 7 up. Quatre and Duo are the only GW boys that like basebeall, but when they got to a baseball game together, it causes some serious sparks between Trowa and Quatre. The two find themselves in their very first fight! YAOI, duh! 3x4.
1. Because is Not an Answer

  
  
  
  


Trowa's visible green eyes narrowed dangerously as he spotted Duo and Quatre. It wasn't all that hard to pick them out among the crowd: loud boy with a three foot braid dressed in black, shining blonde hair and pink shirt beside him, copying his smile and laughter. Watching them laughing together was making him so jealous it made him feel sick. 'Quatre is leaving me for Duo?! What the hell is up with that??! Why do they get to go to a baseball game together anyway? I mean, just because Quatre's a Winner and has season tickets, why didn't he ask me? I'm his boyfriend, I should be going with Quatre, not Duo!' 

  
  


Quatre turned and looked his way. Trowa saw that Quatre's eyes never actually saw *him*, but they saw the car he was squatted behind. The smile on his face disappeared as he frowned, actually looking angry for a moment. It was a rare sight, and Duo poked him, wondering what was wrong. 

  
  


"Hey, Quatre, what is it buddy? You look like Heero without his caffeine in the morning!" Duo told him lightly, relieved to see the angry look vanish as quickly as it came, and Quatre's eyes focus back on him instead of out in the sea of parked cars. 

  
  


"Nothing." Quatre replied defensively. He stuffed his hands in his pockets and forced a smile on his face. "So, what did you think of the seats?" 

  
  


"Man, those were the best seats in the house!" Duo explained happily, not noticing Quatre looking back out towards the cars as he continued ranting about the seats they had sat in during the baseball game.

  
  


His light blue eyes narrowed slightly, still looking very lost. He sighed inside, his jaw firm. 'Trowa...'

  
  


~~~~

  
  


Quatre nearly slammed the door as he entered the bedroom he and Trowa shared. Just as he had suspected, Trowa was sitting down, back in his room. Still, Quatre knew all about it, just because Trowa was here now it meant he hadn't been here earlier. "You followed me." he told Trowa accusingly. 

  
  


"So..." Trowa continued to stare out the window, but he could see Quatre in the reflection coming off it. Even if he hadn't been able too, he would have known what Quatre would look like. His hair and clothes would be ruffled slightly from the wind, and from running up there as soon as he'd gotten home. Because he ran, he'd be a little bit out of breath, and his cheeks would be pink like his shirt. His posture wouldn't be tall and erect like normal. His eyebrows would be knitted together in a frustrated not, as his eyes tried to figure out what had happened, and how to calm himself back down. "You knew, then." 

  
  


"You're such an idiot, Trowa." There was still a bit of teasing in his voice as he spoke, and he somehow knew that it wouldn't be there soon. "My space heart told me that you were there." 

  
  


"I had to be there." Trowa answered calmly. 

  
  


"Because you were following me." Quatre continued to accuse. 

  
  


"Yes. I was following you, Quatre." Trowa admitted. He blinked slowly. "And now, I know the truth." 

  
  


"And just what truth would that be?" he asked, confused by Trowa's words. At least Trowa had admitted to spying on him. Quatre really hoped that Trowa would say what he thought he was going to say. Quatre didn't know how much longer he could take it. For months now, Trowa kept accusing Quatre about his emotions, all over the littlest things: 'you didn't give me a hug as soon as you saw me', 'you went out grocery shopping without me'. Then, he'd start the accusing: 'You helped Heero with Wing Zero, so how come you won't help me with Heavyarms?', 'How come you went to all the trouble of making Wufei mushroom fried rice?', 'Why do you have to flirt with Duo? You are *my* boyfriend!"

  
  


Trowa wasn't like that all the time, much to Quatre's joy, but at least once a month the jealous streak came. And when it came, it was a natural disaster. Quatre didn't see how it mattered if she didn't hug Trowa when he saw him in the morning, or if he went out and did something without Trowa. Heero had asked for Quatre's help with the Zero system, Wufei was looking lonely and Quatre wanted to cheer him up with something that would remind him of home, and just because Duo and Quatre teased and laughed with each other, it didn't mean he was flirting with him. For Pete's sake, Duo had a girlfriend, and Quatre respected Hilde very much!

  
  


Sometimes, it made Quatre wonder wether or not Trowa remembered everything Quatre did for him, and him alone: like the time that Trowa got sick with chicken pox, considering he hadn't been around young kids during his childhood and thus hadn't developed the immunity against them. Trowa had been sick for two whole weeks, and Quatre had stayed by his side the entire time. Or their six month anniversary, where he'd baked Trowa his favourite dishes. All the times he flirted with Trowa, and became overjoyed that Trowa flirted back with him. 

  
  


After the accusations came that one line Quatre would go nuts if he ever heard again, and right now Trowa was saying it.

  
  


"You hate me, you don't love me anymore."

  
  


It was like a physical blow each time he said it. Usually Quatre would calm himself down by telling himself that Trowa was just angry, and he'd run up and hug Trowa, only to be told to leave him alone because Quatre didn't love him anymore, at which point Quatre would turn around to leave, waiting for Trowa would calm down. By this point in time though, Quatre was ready to pull out his hair. 

  
  


"That's why you took Duo to the baseball game instead of me. You don't love me anymore and you are leaving me for Duo." 

  
  


'Trowa, you are such an ass.' Quatre thought, glaring as he did so. 'You don't even like baseball! Duo does!' He felt something inside him snap, and he stomped his foot, feeling the floor shake at it. "Damn it Trowa!"

  
  


His words caught Trowa by surprise. Quatre hardly ever swore, and he most definitely didn't go around stomping floor boards. Through the window's reflection, he saw Heero, Duo, and Wufei peak their heads into the room. Quatre's yelling had obviously reached their ears. 

  
  


"I've had enough of this! I'm not leaving you for Duo! I love you, and you know that! How come you keep accusing me of such... insane things! I don't hate anybody, and you know that too! So how come you keep telling me I do." 

  
  


"Because."

  
  


"Because? That's _not_ an answer, Trowa! I demand a better one!"

  
  


"Why?"

"Simply because I deserve a better answer then that! It's also not even a real answer!"

  
  


"It's the best answer you are going to get. I don't even see why you need another one." 

  
  


"Every time you say that I hate you, I feel like a little piece of me dies, Trowa! I get so confused by your emotional mood swings, and your answer are just confusing me more because they don't tell me anything! Not a single, damn thing about how to fix it, how to make it stop, or how to make you believe that..." he paused, seeing the truth. "You don't trust me, do you Trowa?"

  
  


"No. I don't trust anybody." 

  
  


"You should at least trust your friends! I'm not saying that you should be gullible or anything, I'm saying that you should trust those you care about. You and I have something special Trowa! Can't you at least trust _me_? Why don't you trust me? I've never given you a reason not to!" 

  
  


'Other then the whole fact that when I went insane on the Zero system, I nearly killed him.' Quatre thought to himself.

  
  


"Because." 

  
  


Quatre was ready to smash something. "Will you quit saying that? I know you don't say much when you talk, Trowa, but you usually say a lot of stuff to me! Isn't that a sign of trust? Why won't you talk to me now?"

  
  


"You want to know why I won't give you a better reason then a single word?" 

  
  


"Dammit, yes, Trowa!"

  
  


His eyes narrowed, and his glare was so dangerous as he turned around, that Heero saw it and backed up, as did Duo and Wufei. Quatre held his ground as Trowa approached him. "That's too damn bad, Quatre. That's the only answer you deserve." 

  
  


With that, Trowa swiftly exited the room. The door clicked shut, and Quatre managed to regain what little composure he had left before he fell to the floor in a crumpled heap of emotions. He didn't feel like any of his muscles were working at all, he just collapsed. His body shook with sobs as he let the tears he had been holding in for months finally come out. 

  
  
  
  


~~~~To Be Continued 


	2. Bitter Coffee Mornings

  
  
  
  


Quatre felt like crap as he walked downstairs to go and get breakfast. He had lost track of how long he'd been upstairs in his room, staring at the ceiling in between fits of tears. Their first fight. He wasn't really angry now, but he felt bitter, and hollow. 

  
  


'Maybe that's because I don't have Trowa with me...' he reached out a hand to the other side of the bed, where Trowa normally would have been lying. Quatre heard his stomach growl, and he clamped his hand over it. 'Or could be because I haven't eaten since the baseball game yesterday afternoon.' 

  
  


Climbing out of bed, Quatre started moving again. His muscles were sore: most hadn't moved an inch since he had picked himself off the floor when the sun started sinking beyond the horizon. He had managed to pull off it khakis, vest, and dress shirt before he started crying again and fell into the bed. Pulling on a shirt, Quatre noted that staying motionless and crying for more then half the night left you feeling more tired then a mobile suit battle, and how much he needed some of Duo's java. 

  
  


He walked downstairs, and was surprised to see that the other four Gundam pilots were already up. Wufei and Heero being up early were no surprise, they usually woke with the dawn. Trowa was an early riser by nature if he slept in, it wasn't past eight. Quatre was usually right behind him. Duo was the late riser, getting up early only when there was a mission, in which case he slept with a two litre bottle of Coke under his bed for as soon as the alarm went off. But Duo was already up, and was busy eating Captain Crunch cereal, a cup of coffee in the other hand. 

  
  


"So, you're finally the last one up for once!" Duo greeted Quatre cheerfully. "We wondering how long you were going to stay in your room. Heero and Wufei were starting to threaten me with having to go in there and wake you up." 

  
  


Quatre just nodded, not able to speak quite yet. He hadn't realized how much his throat hurt from last night, or how annoying Duo could be. No wonder Duo was quiet only before he got to eat. Quatre glanced at the other pilots: Wufei was doing the dishes, Heero was reading the newspaper, and Trowa was sitting calmly at the table, still stirring the floating Captain Crunch pieces.

  
  


'Damn him, how can he be so calm? Here we are in a fight, and he doesn't even look like he's noticed!' Quatre thought to himself as he poured a cup of coffee. 

  
  


Trowa had seen and heard Quatre come in, long before Duo had said anything. 'God, he looks like hell.' his mind said as he watched Quatre get a cup of coffee. He didn't bother putting any milk or sugar in it. 'At least he can still eat. I've managed down... what? Two Crunches?'

  
  


No milk, and no sugar. Quatre knew it would taste like shit, but he also knew that it being straight the caffeine would get to him a whole lot quicker. He needed caffeine right now more then he needed air. He didn't want to the others to see how he was taking this. Quatre hardly even noticed how bitter the drink was as he gulped it down. At least his throat wasn't so dry now.

  
  


If any of the other Gundam pilots saw how Quatre looked or how red his eyes were, they didn't say anything. They just kept doing their normal work. 

  
  


Eventually, Trowa looked up. "Did anybody see Qu-..."

  
  


"Oh, shut up, Trowa!" Quatre shouted, his small body shaking with caffeine. Trowa saw it as anger though, and he couldn't mask the sadness and shock in his eyes, not that Quatre even saw it. Quatre saw the world in a grey fog, and he couldn't help but be venomous. "Don't even talk to me..." his voice was low, and rich with the bitterness he felt inside. "I don't deserve to... I mean, you don't deserve to talk to me!" he hoped nobody heard his little slip up. Damn Freudian slips. He was probably talking too fast for them to notice anyway, and he knew that they were all shocked at hearing him being so cruel. Hell, he shocked himself. Duo was pouring cereal from his spoon on his pants, and even Heero had taken a step back, his eyes widening that half a millimetre that meant he was surprised. "Don't talk to me again until you can trust me!"

  
  


Quatre regretted the words the moment they were out of his mouth. When he registered what he'd said, he desperately wished that he could take them back. Instead, he angrily slammed the coffee mug into the sink, where it shattered in half. He turned and stalked from the room, leaving everyone staring after him in shock.

  
  


"I just wondered if anybody had seen 'Quest for Camelot' last night."

  
  


~~~~~

  
  


In his rooms, Quatre paced from side to side in exasperation. He felt like he was either wearing a hole in the floor, or his feet, but Quatre didn't care. How could he have said something like that to Trowa? He never said things like that, especially not to a friend, let alone the guy he loved!

  
  


'I wasn't even angry!' he hung his head in shame. 'I wasn't even angry, just bitter and hurt. But love can't exist where there isn't any trust, and Trowa doesn't trust me... he especially won't trust me now that I've snapped at him. But... he said mean things to me too!'

  
  


There was a quiet knock on the door, and after a moment Duo peeked his head in. "Quatre? Are you okay?"

  
  


"No." came the short and coarse answer.

  
  


"Do you want to talk about it?"

  
  


"No... yes, I do." He stopped pacing and flopped down on his bed. "Trowa keeps telling me that I don't love him or that I'm cheating on him. I've never even thought of another guy like the way I do about him, Duo! And every time he tells me that I don't love him, I feel like someone tore out my heart and jumped up and down on it. I mean, I love everybody, and I love Trowa more than anyone. He's never even once said that he loved me in return, but I know he does. And, if he loves me, then how come he doesn't trust me? Am I doing something wrong? Have I ever given him a reason for him not to trust me, without realizing it? Why doesn't he trust me?!"

  
  


Duo sat down on the bed beside his blond pilot friend. "Quatre man, it ain't that easy. Trowa doesn't really trust anybody. At least, not the kind of trust you're talking about. If Trowa held a gun to your head, there wouldn't be a cell in your body that would believe Trowa'd pull that trigger. If you held a gun to Trowa's head, there would still be doubts that you'd pull the trigger."

  
  


"But... Duo, I don't want to stay where there isn't trust. I believe that love can't exist without trust, that not even friendship can exist without trust. If Trowa doesn't trust me even a little, then how can I stay his friend?" 

  
  


He toyed with the end of his braid thoughtfully. "I don't know, buddy. You can't make someone change, and I don't really know how you can show Trowa that you trust him that you haven't already done." Duo paused. "If you don't mind my asking, what have you done anyway?"

  
  


"Pardon?" Quatre asked, confused.

  
  


"You know..." Duo raised an eyebrow, his violet-blue eyes shining with mischief. "What have you done?"

  
  


"I'm still a virgin, if that's what you mean, Duo." Quatre told the braided pilot, without missing a single beat. "Why? Are you trying to say that..."

  
  


"All I'm thinking is that it may be part of the reason. After all, if you trust someone it means that you're willing to be intimate with that person, right? And here you are saying how much you trust Trowa, but you were never willing to get intimate with him."

  
  


"Well, damn it Duo, I'm sixteen! I'm not ready yet, even if it's with someone I love." Quatre blushed, both because of this personal topic, and also because he swore. "Besides, Trowa has never raised his voice about it, so I wouldn't know. Even with my Space Heart, I can't read minds."

  
  


"But neither can Trowa." Duo pointed out. "It's just a big miscommunication problem that has gone way out of proportion."

  
  


Quatre sighed, and rolled over on his side. "A lot of good that will do me to know now. I mean, I just yelled at Trowa for speaking. I don't even know wether or not he was going to speak to me exactly, or not. He was already so silent before, and now I'm afraid I may never hear his voice again."

  
  


"Personally," Duo picked himself off the bed and smoothed out his clothes. "I think you're over doing this, Quatre. It isn't as bad as you think it is. Sometimes words can go a long way." He picked up a pillow and playfully bonked Quatre over the head with it. "You're a smart guy, you'll figure it out."

  
  


With that, Duo left, leaving Quatre alone. He ran their conversation over and over in his mind. 'But how can I even apologize if I don't know what I've done? Besides that, Trowa won't even talk to me now, so how will I apologize and find out why Trowa doesn't trust me?' he pulled the pillow Duo had thrown at him over his, shutting away the light. It was Trowa's pillow, and still smelled of him. Quatre breathed in deeply, more confused then he'd ever been in his life. 'Oh, Trowa...'

  
  


~~~~To Be Continued


	3. Getting a Reason

  
  
  
  


Trowa sat in Quatre's garden, thinking in the warm sunlight. The sun touched his long brown bangs, gently adding a golden shine as he sighed, closing his eyes. Why had Quatre been so sharp with him? He didn't understand. He hadn't even been speaking to Quatre... at least, not directly.

  
  


Approaching footsteps brought Trowa out of his light thoughts and made him turn around. His green his slitted slightly as he saw Heero coming towards him. 'What's Heero doing here? He doesn't usually come out into the garden. Maybe Quatre sent him out to yell at me some more.' 

  
  


"Mind if I sit down?" Heero asked cordially. When Trowa didn't say anything, Heero took it as an okay and sat down next to Trowa on the brick wall that lined the lily patch. His voice was as unfeeling as ever, never letting a single emotion through. "Thanks. Is it okay if I ask you something, Trowa?" Heero was met by silence again. Trowa only gave a slow blink, momentarily looking down at the ground. "I want to ask you something about Quatre."

  
  


"Shoot." Trowa finally answer, his voice equalling Heero's in the lack of emotion.

  
  


"Why do you get so jealous over Quatre?" Heero asked the carnival clown for any slip of the face, relating to his feeling over the short blonde. "I know as much as you do that Quatre loves you, so why are do you get all green-faced when he spends time with some of his other friends?"

  
  


"Because."

  
  


"Don't you dare start that with me, Trowa. I will kill you if you do." 

  
  


Trowa was quiet for few moments, before deciding that maybe telling Heero would be for the best. "All my life, everything that has been mine has been taken away from me: my family, me name, my past, my friends... Well, Quatre is mine, and I won't let anything take him away from me. Not a single thing."

  
  


"You actually believe that Quatre would let himself by taken away like that?" Heero asked his tall friend. "Or that he'd leave you for Duo of all people? Duo has a girlfriend, Trowa, and Quatre has you. Does Quatre even know that's how you think of him?"

  
  


"..." 

  
  


"I didn't think so." Heero turned his back to Trowa, and calmly walked back towards the house. Duo had asked Heero to talk to Trowa, considering the time they had spent together after Heero had first self detonated. He'd done just that, his mission had been completed. That was just what he'd told Duo when he walked into the house, and found the American pilot re-braiding his braid.

  
  


"Heero, pally, you gotta stop thinking of everything as a mission. I mean, what'dya think Relena will do if you and she do it for the first time and the only thing you can say is 'Mission Accomlished' or 'Mission Completed'?" Duo teased.

  
  


"..."

  
  


"Well, Mr. Talkative? What did Trowa say?" Duo remained quiet, as Heero related their entire conversation. "So that how Trowa feels.... who would''ve thunk it?"

  
  


Not bothering to correct Duo on his very bad grammar, Heero casually leaned against the wall. "I tried asking Trowa if he'd told Quatre how he feels. About how he thinks of Quatre as 'his', not Trowa wouldn't tell me anything."

  
  


"Personally," Duo checked his hair in the mirror, spinning around to make sure it was neat. "Hey, can you tuck that little hair back in place?" Heero stopped leaning and tucked a loose hair back into Duo's braid. "Thanks buddy. Like I started saying, personally, I don't think Quatre would have a problem with it. There's something touchy-feely about it that's so Quatre. He's gotten fought over all his life, and with almost 30 sisters I would've been fought over too, just because he was their only brother! The adults used to fight over him because he was the heir to the Winner fortune. I think Quatre'd like 'belonging' and being fought over by someone who likes him just because he's him, and because he cares about him. Not because he's the only guy in the family."

  
  


"So why is Quatre getting angry at Trowa in the first place then, if that's the case?"

  
  


"Because," Duo explained. "Quatre can't even go out with friends because he's afraid Trowa will yell at him. Or, then if they can't all angry, Trowa accuses Quatre of not loving him. You know how Quatre is! He's the kind of person who loves everybody. Being accused by the guy you want to give your life too that you don't love them hurts like anything."

  
  


Duo spun around to face Heero, smiling happily. "If Hilde said that too me one day, I'd by hurt too. So would you, if Relena told you that... not that she more than likely hasn't already with you way you treat her sometimes, Heero. No offense meant. (Heero's reply: Hn.) And just think, we can't pick up on other people's emotions and feel the pain *our* loved ones are going through like Quatre can."

  
  


"I take it this means you have a date with Hilde?"

  
  


"Yup!" Duo picked up his bag, waving to Heero as he walked back out of the house. "See ya later, Heero!" Duo waved to Trowa as he walked by. "Hiyaa Trowa! How's it hang- okay, okay, I'll leave you alone!"

  
  


******

  
  


Quatre slowly walked downstairs, taking the stairs at a rate of five minutes per step. He had to find Trowa! 'It wasn't nice of me... it wasn't me at all! I need to find Trowa and apologize to him!' Despite his hurrying thoughts, he could have watched snails race by. He couldn't feel what Trowa's emotions were, and he was afraid at the result he may find when he got closer to Trowa.

  
  


He spotted Trowa sitting quietly out in the garden, and his heart finally took back control of his body, the fear relinquishing. He shouted out the brunnette's name, running towards him. He saw Trowa look over at him, his face unreadable as ever. Quatre stopped short as Trowa turned away and stood up. "Trowa, wait! I-..."

  
  


"You," Trowa turned around, his mask gone, and a look of anger written all over face. "Told me not to talk to you. If I can't talk to you, then what made you think you can talk to me?" With that, he turned and walked quickly away, leaving Quatre feeling even worse than before.

  
  


****To Be Continued

  
  


And please keep reviews coming. I like them. ^_^


	4. My Favourite Things

Thank you for all the reviews. It makes me write real fast, but I'm having some problems with the plot. My personal mission is to get a story for every Anime couple over 100k. But this is only at 27 K at Chapter 3, and now there's this... so I need more plot twists, because I WILL get this story over 100K, even if I have to up the rating and make the last 30K nothing but limes! ...Althought I'd prefer not to do that... my Mom does have to use this computer sometimes, too... But, Oh well. Maybe something will come to me later. And um.. YOU! Yes, I distract myself from my homework using fanfiction.net as well, but you should do your homework! ^_^ Plus, Romeo and Juliet is really good book! IMHO, It's a lot better then Lord of the Flies or Brave New World... they're both way too depressing. R&J is a *play*, not a book about what some author believes our world will turn out like! Blah...

*******

  
  


Quatre sat at his desk, his chin resting on folded arms, all hunched over. 'Duo's right... all this fight is, is a miscommunication problem. But, how can I fix it? I told Trowa not to talk to me! And now Trowa doesn't want me to talk to him... Oh, what have I done!?' His head fell on the desk in defeat, light blonde hair falling limp over his arms. 

  
  


'This is all my fault. If I had kept my feelings under control, I never would have exploded at Trowa. But then, if he wasn't so jealous, then I wouldn't have gotten hurt in the first place!' Tears started running down his cheeks in quiet frustration. 'This is the first time in awhile I haven't had to worry about Trowa getting jealous about the other Gundam pilots and myself. I must admit, it's a large weight off of my shoulders. But, that just makes it all the worse! Am I this relieved because Trowa's no longer here to be jealous? Did I really feel so trapped that it's only when I'm angry I feel I can breath? That's *not* right! I love Trowa- so why do I feel so free now? But the part of me that longs for Trowa feels so much hurt and pain, it's unbearable! I feel... so lost...'

  
  


He banged his head against the desk. 'Why am I having these doubts? I shouldn't be feeling these things- it's not me! So why are they haunting me??' Quatre pushed himself away from the desk, rubbing his head with one hand. That had hurt. A lot. 

  
  


And did it ever feel good to him.

  
  


That fact just made it seem all the more worse. Quatre was *not* going to start hurting himself physically just so that he could relieve the pain inside. Heading to the washroom to splash some water on his face and bruise, Quatre fell deep into thought again. 'How did I use to deal with my feelings before? I know I had to at least had to have had questions like this once! So what did I do then?' Quatre checked out his head in the mirror. There was a lovely little purple bruise starting to develop on the corner of his head. Flipping his bangs back into place, he saw that they would hide it. 'You used to run to Trowa, that's what you used to do. Well, now you can't do it anymore, so how are you going to fix this now?' 

  
  


Snapping his fingers, Quatre smiled at himself in the bathroom mirror. 'I'll play one of my instruments! I haven't done that in a very long time! I'm sure that's just the thing that will cheer me up!... Provided it's a happy song, that is.'

  
  


Picking up his violin that lay in it's case in the study, Quatre tuned it with precision hearing. 'I think that the key is I need to find out exactly what Trowa's feelings are for me. Why he's so jealous. Maybe then I can figure out what's going on. If I can do that, then maybe I can somehow apologize and start to make everything right again.' The question still remained of *how* to solve it all. The only thing Quatre could come up with was that he could run up, glomp Trowa, and start passionately making out with him in the middle of the hallway.

  
  


Although Quatre really like that idea, he knew it wouldn't work. Trowa would probably just push him away and continue walking. Besides, just making out with somebody couldn't make everything better... unless you happened to be Hilde and Duo. Somehow, whenever Duo and Hilde got into a fight, all Duo had to do was show up at her door with her favourite flowers, look cute, say he was sorry for making her feel bad, kiss her, and they were both happy-go-lucky again. 

  
  


'Maybe I just read to much into these things.' Quatre told himself as he started playing on his violin. He didn't have any music with him, or even a tune in mind. Quatre just started thinking about all the happy things in the world, and played whatever note came to his mind.

  
  


*****

  
  


Trowa was walking to his room, deep in his own thoughts. To get to his rooms, he had to walk by Quatre's study, and as he did so he heard music coming from behind the close doors. The sound of the extremely happy notes made him stop short. Quatre was playing his violin? He was playing such a happy and upbeat song, that even Trowa couldn't help but tap his foot along to the beat. But... Trowa thought Quatre was sad and depressed! How he could he be playing something so uplifting?

  
  


He continued walking along, pausing again only briefly when he recognized the tune. It almost brought a smile to his lips. Quatre was playing a very upbeat version of 'My favourite Things' from the Sound of Music. At least Trowa knew that Quatre was still a little bit sad- he only played that song when he needed to be cheerful again.

  
  


*****

  
  


After a few moments, Quatre put down the violin, sighing. It just wasn't working. Even when he remembered all his favourite things, he still felt that hole in his heart that meant he was missing his Trowa. 'There's so much too be happy for, but I still myself thinking of nothing but Trowa! There's flowers, music, birds, my friends: Heero, Wufei, Duo.... my friends!!!' Quatre jumped off his desk, starting to speak outloud in his excitement.

  
  


"Oh Bother, how come I didn't think if that before? My friends! Maybe they can tell me exactly what's going on with Trowa!" Quatre paced around his room, skipping with eagerness. "I bet Duo would do it! Duo'd do anything! Especially if I bribed him! Chocolate maybe... A free date for him and Hilde?... What am I thinking?! I'm talking about bribing my friends so that they can spy on Trowa for me! But, if it gets the job done and I can start fixing it.... But then won't Trowa be angry that I *hired* people to spy on him? Maybe I can just wait a few days for this all to blow over... Quatre, what are you saying? You haven't even been fighting with him for one whole day, and you're already flipping out! Well, actually it will be one full day in a few hours. But still! I'm having a conversation with myself, I do realize that, right? Yup. So I gotta stop talking to myself. Quatre, stop talking to yourself! You're still doing it Quatre. I gotta stop. Still speaking out loud to yourself... Stop it! Argh!!"

  
  


****

  
  


"Heero?" Quatre entered the library, where Heero seemed to be doing some research. For once, he was reading a book, not something over the internet! "Heero, where's Duo? I need to talk to him."

  
  


"Duo's out on a date with Hilde." Heero stated, not looking up from the book he was holding.

  
  


"Shit... I really needed to talk to him..." Quatre blew a stray bag out of his eyes. "Do you know when he'll be back?"

  
  


"No." Heero said, finally looking up from his book. "Let me guess, this involves Trowa somehow, doesn't it?" Quatre shook his head yes, blushing slightly. "You wanted to bribe Duo into finding out why Trowa is so protective of you, and easily gets jealous, right?" Quatre nodded again. "You're too late. Duo already asked him."

  
  


"He did?? Do you know what Trowa said, Heero?" Quatre asked, rushing to Heero's side. Heero was sitting on the rolling ladder that circled Quatre's library, and Quatre looked up at him hopefully.

  
  


"Yeah. I was the one who asked him."

  
  


"Oh, Heero!" Quatre clasped his hands, his eyes dancing, though slightly confused. Hadn't Heero just dais Duo had asked Trowa? Maybe Heero meant that Duo had pressured Heero into doing it. Duo could manipulate Heero into doing just about anything. "Please tell me what Trowa said! I really need to know! I've got to fix everything I that happened, but first I need a stepping stone! I need to know how he feels so I know what to fix!"

  
  


Duo had said that Quatre probably wouldn't mind what Trowa had said, but Heero wondered. He was about to trust an American Gundam pilot who was often mistaken for a girl, made out with his girlfriend everywhere, called himself Shinigami, thrived on caffeine and was very, very perky. What the hell was wrong with him? 

  
  


"Trowa thinks of you as being is." Heero told the blonde.

  
  


"Damn it, Heero! That isn't an explanation!" Quatre placed a gentle hand on Heero's tank top clad shoulder. "Loo, I know you may not talk for a really long time and prefer short answers, but can't you please humour me? What exactly did Trowa say?"

  
  


"He says that you're his. That all his life he had things taken away from him: his family, his past, even his name. But Trowa doesn't want anything to take you away from him, so he holds you very close. Unfortunately, by holding you very tight, he's also pushing you away." Heero looked down at Quatre, actually smiling at the boy softly. "Look Quatre, when Trowa gets mad at you for going out with us to baseball games, or going to a Japanese Tea Ceremony with me, he's not getting mad at you. He just needs to take out his anger, and it just happens to be with you. Trowa's mad at Duo, Wufei, or me: not you. Okay?"

  
  


"Okay, Heero." Quatre nodded. 'Trowa was just taking his anger out on me?' Quatre touched the bruise on his forehead lightly. 'Makes sense to me. Even I take my anger out on myself.' Leaving the room, Quatre heard Heero call out his name, and he turned around to see Heero tidying up the stack off books he'd taken down from the shelf, his back to him. 

  
  


"I hope it helps."

  
  


Quatre smiled brightly, grinning from ear to ear. "It will, don't worry Heero." 

  
  


****To Be Continued


	5. School's a Real Bitch

  
  
  
  


The next day at school was a living hell for Quatre. All of his friends were uncomfortable around him and Trowa, not wanting to seem like they were favouring or agreeing with one of them. Quatre found it hard to concentrate, and his classes seemed even more lonelier than usual. Not even his Coca-Cola caffeine could cheer him up. He was walking around on pins and needles.

  
  


In his first period class, English, they were busy reading Macbeth. Quatre had to read the part of Lady Macbeth and had trouble concentrating. It wasn't Quatre's fault that he had to read a female's part in his class! His name had gotten drawn when they were choosing for that particular part. Usually he didn't mind though, Quatre could relate a lot to Lady Macbeth because he understood her. She was a very caring and kind person, she just choose to be bad and cruel because her husband was also a kind person, and one of them needed to be strong. But that weakness became her downfall and she lost control. She started feeling extremely guilty, and eventually killed herself.

  
  


Quatre could relate to that very well.

  
  


But when he read her parts that day, Quatre just got angry at her. How could she sit there and call her husband unmanly? How could she force him to do something he didn't want to do? Didn't she respect her husband at all? Wasn't she worried about him? Couldn't she see that Macbeth was feeling so bad for killing Banquo that he was seeing his spirit? 

  
  


When the bell rang for the students to proceed to their next classroom, Quatre let out a huge sigh of relief, before suddenly swearing in Arabian. He had completely forgotten about the test in second period!! 

  
  


Sliding into his seat, he swore again. Quatre had supposed to have studied, but then this whole mess had started, and the Spanish test had been the furthest thing on his mind! The teacher hand't out the test, and Quatre looked down at it with blurry eyes. He could hardly even see the words on the paper. He wiped away tears, and tried to focus his brain.

  
  


_First, write your name.... _Quatre told himself. _Q, u, a... see? There you go! Next, comes your last name. No! No! Erase! My name is Quatre Rebarba Winner, NOT Quatre Winner barton, got it? Yes sir. Good. Now, W, i, n, n,... that wasn't s hard, ow was it?_

  
  


Congratulating himself for filling in his name, Quatre moved to first question. _Matching. Match the Spanish word to it's correspondent. First of all... fat. Gordo. That wasn't all that hard. Question two. Green. Trowa's eyes. No! That's not right! Green... Oh, Trowa's eyes are so beautiful... Dammit it, concentrate! Verde. Next question. Blonde. Hey, that's me! Rubio. Hey! A verb! To sing. Cantar. Nothing to remind me of Trowa there. Good-looking. Oh, Trowa's really good looking! He's absolutely heav- that's not right! Good-looking. Guapo. Trowa es muy guapo. Dammit, Quatre!_

  
  
  
  


The entire test was like that. Every other seemed to remind Qautre of Trowa. Even the questions that had nothing him, reminded Qautre of Trowa because they weren't at all him. Somehow, though Qautre managed to finish the test with seconds to spare. He been extra careful and had been the last one to finish because he had taken his time to make sure his answers actually made sense. Any of the once he didn't know, he answered them with: "Nataku" because Wufei didn't remind him of Trowa.

  
  


Looking up at the clock, Quatre sighed. The day wasn't even half over, and already Qautre was mentally exhausted. The worst part of the day was coming up. The once helpful bell rang again menacingly, as if taunting Quatre. Swinging his knapsack over one shoulder, he made himself walk to the cafeteria. Although Quatre had no classes with Trowa, he did have lunch with him, and the other pilots as well. 

  
  


He flomped down at the table they had claimed as their own. Nobody else really came to eat with them, anyway, and nobody wanted to. There was Heero who made threats left and right, and was a very intimidating person despite his height; Duo who made people stand on their heads with confusion at times though being a really nice guy; Wufei, who had half of the girls in the school sticking pins in voodoo dolls of him while the other half day dreamed about him; Trowa, who hardly ever talked so it was pretty much impossible to talk to him; himself, though he didn't know why people stayed away from him, possibly it was because of the whole Zero system incident; Hilde, who was usually to preoccupied with doing stuff for the junkyard she and Duo worked at to pay attention if anyone other then the G-boys talked to her; and Relena who alternated between sitting with them and not, her trail of Relena worshippers left her alone when she sat with them.

  
  


At the moment, Heero was busy typing away on his portable laptop, across from Trowa who was leaning against the wall with his eyes looking down, Relena was busy talking across the caf, Duo was busy bothering Hilde, who was sitting on the same side as Trowa. Wufei was busy looking extremely bored as he stirred French fries around on his plate. Quatre sat down beside Wufei, evening out the tables.

  
  


"Cafeteria food is a complete injustice. A proportion of food that could only be satisfying to Quatre, for three times the price, deep fired and totally unhealthy." he muttered, picking up a fry and scrutinizing it.

  
  


Glancing up briefly from his laptop, Heero looked at Wufei from the corner of his eye. "If that's how you feel, then why did you even bother buying it?" he asked, resuming his typing.

  
  


Wufei dropped the fry and pushed the tray away. "Because I woke up late and did not have enough time to get myself a truly honourable meal." 

  
  


Duo looked at the fried hungrily, and Hilde sighed, glad that Duo had stopped poking her. "Hey, listen, can I eat those, Wufei?" he asked hungrily. The black haired pilot nodded, and Duo hungrily dug in. "Man, these things are great! Could use some ketchup though..."

  
  


Quatre smiled, unpacking his own lunch. Well, at least things were going okay for the moment. Everything seemed to be normal. Except normally Quatre sat beside Trowa. He blissfully drifted off into memories when Trowa had forgotten his meal, and good old reliable Quatre would offer Trowa some of his. The expression in Trowa's eyes when Quatre offered him a bit of chocolate or one of Trowa's favourite foods could speak volumes, and it made Quatre feel like giving Trowa a hug then and there. Which he sometimes did.

  
  


Heero once again looked up from his computer. "Relena is leaving for another colony in three days, I'll be going with her." he announced. "I just thought that maybe you'd like some warning."

  
  


Duo's mouth hung wide as he stared at his best friend in shock. "Heero, three days is not what I'd consider proper warning! What, are you afraid that we're going to plan a kidnapping or something to keep you from going if you tell us more than 72 hours in advance?"

  
  


"You're a Gundam Pilot, Duo. Three days should be more than enough warning." Heero answered. "Besides, I would have told you tomorrow, except I was wondering if anybody wanted to come with me."

  
  


"A chance to escape from school!" Duo's eyes lit up, before he slumped over Hilde's arm. "Sorry, buddy, no can go. I've got to pull my grades up." 

  
  


Hilde rolled her eyes and shoved Duo gently away. "Duo, try using proper English if you want to try and pull up your marks."

  
  


Wufei shrugged. "I have a major assignment due. I can't go even if I wanted to." 

  
  


Trowa raised his eyes. "Which colony? L6? Yeah, I'll go with you. The circus is heading there in four days anyway, I'll just go a day early."

  
  


Quatre felt like the world was falling from beneath him. Heero was leaving? Trowa was leaving in three days? 'Why... why didn't Trowa tell me? Why didn't he tell me he was leaving? Of course he wouldn't tell me. We aren't talking.' he reminded himself bitterly. He quickly stirred around his drink, a quiet indication that he was slightly pissed off. 'Trowa must have known before this! He could have told me before we started fighting! This sucks purple monkey butt! Now it means I only have three days to be able to come up with a way to apologize to Trowa!...'

  
  


The bell for the next class didn't come for quick enough for Quatre. Once again he barely managed to eat, and he could tell Duo was worrying about that. "You gotta start eating, Quatre. Trowa, I'm not so worried about because that boy packs away enough food to last him for months. You, on the other hand, look pale and tired. After only two nights!"

  
  


"I'll eat when I stop worrying, Duo. I promise!"

  
  


"But you never stop worrying!" Duo protested, as Quatre hurried on to his next period.

  
  


His next class was World Religions. There'd wouldn't have been anything to remind Quatre of Trowa in that class because usually he'd be too busy copying down note after note after note. However, today the teacher was busy on his lecture that took place before the start of each new unit. If there was one thing the guy could do, it was talk. What was even worse was that the teacher was extremely monotonous, and soon half the class was sleepy eyed. 

  
  


Bored witless, Quatre took out a sketchbook he always carried around with him and picked up a pencil. Maybe drawing would help. Quatre let his Space Heart take control, and when the class was over, Quatre found himself flipping through three pages of Trowa. He was perfectly drawn, and looked almost real. Sad in one picture, angry the next, lonely the last. Quatre shoved the book back in the knapsack. 'Even the sketches are against me...'

  
  


The last class of the day was biology. Quatre was extremely glad that Heero was in that class with him, because they had a dissection that day. The cow heart was laying on a metal tray for the pairs as soon as Quatre came in, and a nod from Heero made him feel a lot better. He doubted if he would even be able to concentrate enough to pick up the scalpel properly.

  
  


While Heero cut away at the heart, Quatre scribbled out the answers on both their answer sheets in his neat and legible writing. The questions were simple, especially since his big sister was a doctor, and Quatre had often snuck in to read her medical books when he was younger. He knew the answers were right as he handed them in, Quatre just couldn't help but wonder how many times the name "Trowa" had appeared on them...

  
  


'I only have three days....' Quatre hurried to the caf again and purchased several bottles of Coca-Cola. 'Okay, I WILL come up with answer TONIGHT!! ...I have to...'

  
  


****To be Continued

  
  


Please, more reviews? I'm only averaging three or four per chapter... *sniff*


	6. Love-Hate Letters

  
  
  
  
  
  


Quatre was once again pacing in his room. He needed to get Trowa to understand how he felt, and now he had a time limit! 'Three days! That isn't enough time!' he stood in front of the mirror, glaring at his reflection sternly. "Okay Quatre," he commanded himself, speaking out loud. "Trowa won't talk to you, or listen if he talks to you. You need to come up with a way to communicate with him, without using verbally spoken words, or at least not being face to face. Duo's right, Trowa isn't a mind reader."

  
  


"Maybe I could make Trowa a tape!" he suggested eagerly. "He could play it, and listen to it, but I wouldn't... no, I would still be talking to him. That's verbally speaking, and I can't use that."

  
  


His gaze fell upon the reflection of the desk that only a day ago he'd been banging his head against. Quatre touched the hidden bruise at the memory. It didn't hurt that much, but it was a painful symbol of what he felt. His thoughts were interrupted as he caught the image of plain blue box, half sticking out at the bottom of the desk. 'What? I... I haven't done that in years! But... would it work? Could it?'

  
  


Pulling out the plain blue box, Quatre stared at it before opening it. He had the box since he'd been very little, a gift from one of his sisters. Inside, the box was filled with neatly stacked paper and envelopes, as well as invitations. Quatre never really used it, he preferred face to face confrontations, so Quatre used it when one of his sisters was PMSing and wouldn't talk to Quatre. He found that curiosity made them read it all the way through. Quatre smiled for the first time in over two days. 

  
  


"Yes! This will be perfect! Now... if only I can remember how to write one of these things. It's been years since I wrote a letter of apology. I'm sure that I can figure it out again, though..." Quatre sat down at the desk and picked up a pen.

  
  


_Dear Trowa,_ he wrote. _ I know I said some pretty nasty things to you. That really wasn't me. I was just feeling so... I don't know what I was feeling. Pain. Loneliness. Anger. Self-pity. Misery loves company, I suppose. No, I know._

  
  


__Quatre read over what he wrote, and crinkled up the page. That wasn't right. He wanted to ease into the conversation. He didn't want to explain himself right off the bat, he wanted Trowa to relax, and wonder what the hell was going on. Then Quatre slowly had to ease up into how he was sorry, what had happened, how now he knew how Trowa felt, all the other things he had to say to Trowa had to gradually enter the letter. He couldn't just start blurting things out left and right. Then Trowa might get scared away, or worse yet, get angry and simply throw the letter out.

  
  


'At least you know how to start.' Quatre wrote the same two words as before at the top of the page. 'Now, you want this to natural, and from the heart...'

  
  


By the time he had everything written out, the wastebasket was overflowing with balls of blue notepaper. Quatre felt it was worth the effort though, because the letter seemed absolutely perfect.

  
  


'Now... to give it to Trowa...' he sighed mentally. 'Now how the hell am I supposed to do that?'

  
  


***

  
  


'What's this?' Trowa asked himself as he entered his room. The curtains were drawn, and everything was dark. The way he liked it. Trowa liked his room to feel like a den. The lack of sunlight comforted him. Seeing open windows with light drifting through them made Trowa feel umcomfortable.

  
  


That's how all the mornings with Quatre had started. Sunny, warm, full of love. Often, Trowa would wake up early just to watch his little Arabian pilot. The sunlight would catch in his hair, making it seem to glow, and as it the sun rose higher, the growing light would slowly wake Quatre up, as if to make sure he awoke with a smile. 

  
  


A blue rectangle on the bed seemed as if there was a lamp shining directly above it, drawing Trowa closer to it. He picked it up. A letter. There seemed nothing unusual about it, simply a sealed letter. It wasn't even addressed. 'But it was on my bed, so it must be for me.'

  
  


Still, Trowa didn't open it. He just stared at the letter in his hands, as if there was something important about it he should remember. His fingers itched to tear through the seal and break it open, but he didn't move at all. 

  
  


"I don't have time for this!" Trowa through the letter back on the bed with a sigh. "I have too much work to do! There's the circus, and homework that I have to work forward on if I'll be leaving soon. I need to... to...." He paused, and stopped. He'd been about to say, 'I need to make my Quatre proud of me.'

  
  


****To Be Continued

  
  


As a side note... it is my own personal mission to get a story for every single of my fav Anime couples over 100K... therefore, this will not stop till then! ^_^ Just thought I'd tell you guys... but considering I'm almost done and I'm only at 50K as of the last chapter... any suggestions?


	7. Giving A Little

  
  
  
  


When Trowa entered his room again, he was so tired his eyes wouldn't even focus right. His room was still as dark as night though, so it didn't really matter wether or not he could see at the moment. Still, if he had been the one throwing knives that night, Catherine probably would have ended up needing a mortician. 

  
  


Seeing the pile of homework left untouched on his desk, Trowa sighed wearily. He really couldn't handle quadratic equations or equations at this point in time. Damned math homework. He flopped down on his bed, and heard something that sounded like the crunching of paper. Trowa sighed again, remembering that there was that blue letter left on his bed. He reached under his back and pulled it out, planning on putting it on his night stand until the morning when he might actually be able to read it, but when he saw the plain blue envelope, he couldn't put it down.

  
  


There was something very familiar about it. He had never received a letter like it before however, so why should it seem like something he should recognize? Trowa turned it over a few times as he lay down un his bed, unbuttoning his shirt one handedly. Blue, what was so important about the colour blue? Quatre's pajamas were blue.... 'Yes Trowa, this letter seems familiar because it's made with blue pajamas belonging to Quatre..."

  
  


Quatre.... that was where he had seen it before. Trowa had been in need of some paper to write a letter to his sister. He didn't have any, and Quatre had so many boxes littered in neat little stacks around his room, that he figured one of them had to have some paper and envelopes. Plus, he was curious as to exactly what was in the boxes. In them he found things like old magazines, birthday cards, sewing material, miscellaneous things. Finally, Trowa found tidy piles of blue writing paper and matching envelopes. 

  
  


Knowing that the letter was from Quatre, Trowa thought about building a shrine to it. He missed his little blonde angel, and it was obvious to anyone who looked closer. He smiled less, he had bags under his eyes, he was quieter then he had been, and he didn't eat at all. He missed sleeping with his loved one close, walking up to see him every morning, playing instruments with him, and the times that they would just spend cuddling on a chair talking. 

  
  


He hadn't been angry at Quatre very long. Trowa could hold a grudge until the cows came home, but not when it came to Quatre. Now it was just stubbornness that kept him from going up to Quatre, apologizing, telling Quatre how he felt and how he would do his best to let go of his jealousy and trust the other Gundam pilot more.

  
  


After holding the latter in his hands for a little while longer, Trowa flicked on the light, nearly blinding himself in the process. When he adjusted to the light, he pulled out a pocket knife and carefully opened the letter. He pulled out the thick blue letter and sniffed it. It even smelled like Quatre. Opening the letter all the way, Trowa recognized Quatre's neat and precise printing. He knew that it was a good sign. Quatre tended to start writing when he wrote fast, making it sometimes very messy and difficult to read. S's become e's, u's became an undotted i next to an l, it could become quite an effort to read it. On the other hand, Quatre's printing indicated he was taking time and effort to write it carefully.

  
  


__Dear Trowa, 

No, Dearest Trowa. After all, that's what you are. Now Trowa, stop blushing like that. ^_^__

  
  


Trowa sighed as he realized Quatre knew him too well. When Quatre got all mushy, Trowa's face tended to start looking like a tomato.

  
  


You're probably reading this late, aren't you? Trowa, I know that you have to work, but you should be more careful about working nights! You're only 16, you're still growing and you need some rest!

I must say that it really surprised me when you announced how you were going away so soon. I didn't realize that the circus was leaving town. I hope that you have fun on your trip with Heero and the circus. Kindly give my hellos to Catherine next time you see your dear sister, will you?

Anyway, Catherine and the circus don't have anything to do with why I'm writing this letter, really. You see Trowa, that even though I'm a Gundam pilot and have fought in a major war, I'm still really quite scared. I'm too scared to apologize to you face to face, because you might slam the door on me, or I may get too choked up to even be able to say something. I'm writing this letter because at least I'll be able to try to get my part across, and hopefully you will be curious as to what I wrote so you will read this.

Trowa, I am so sorry. I never should have blown up like I did. But... when you say those things to me, especially about how I don't love you, it hurts me so very deeply. I feel like the walls of Rome are tumbling around me and that I'm going to be both physically and mentally sick when I hear you say words like that to me. 

So I am sorry. I'm sorry down to every part of my being. Even though I was hurt, it still wasn't right for me to say those things to you. 

But that is how I feel. I feel that you don't trust me, and I want to be trusted by you, because I feel that there can't be love without trust. Please, Trowa, try to trust me. I know that with you having been in a mercenary group since you can remember, it may be heart for you, but please at least try.

I love you Trowa. I always will, no matter what, wether you trust me or not, because I trust you. But for your love to be returned, you have to trust me Trowa. You are the world to me, and I would not leave my world for anyone else other then you. Without you, I can't sleep, my head gets filled with bad thoughts, I feel lonely, unprotected, I can't eat, and I am a soldier without something to fight for.

When I go to watch Wufei fight in his tournaments, or take Duo to a baseball game, or take Ms. Relena to a ballet because Heero wouldn't be caught dead there, I'm going as their friend, because that's what I am. Their friend, and they are my friends. No, the other Gundam pilots are closer to me then that. They're my brothers, Trowa. We fought side by side with each other (Okay, Wufei was kind of way off, but still...) For the same cause. I love them as my brothers, and I love you as I do: you are my Soulmate, Trowa. I know we are, just as I know that you can trust me.

Yes, I know I'm kind of laying this whole trust thing a little thickly, but this is something that is really important to me, Trowa. 

I just wanted to tell you how I feel. Oh, and another thing that I have an input on. I talked to... well, one of the others, and they told me how you feel about me. I adore being yours, Trowa. I want to be yours, and your s alone for all of time. And to go copy Duo: I may run, I may hide, but I never tell a lie.

  
  


Love,

Quatre

  
  


Trowa put down the letter, and looked over at the clock on the night stand. It was eleven o'clock. He managed to push himself out of bed and walked quietly outside in the hallway. He doubted Quatre would be up, but it wouldn't hurt to check...

  
  


****To be Continued


	8. Trusting A Little

  
  
  
  


Trowa slowly pushed the door open, and peeked inside the room that he and Quatre had shared at one time. The room wasn't at all different, and it seemed like any other night Trowa had been working late on. He'd come in as quiet as a mouse, and sneak into bed, finding that Quatre had been waiting up for him. They would cuddle until they both feel asleep, as Trowa told his lover all about his day at work. A perfect and to a perfect day.

  
  


He needed to talk to Quatre, and if this was the only way Trowa could do it, then so be it. Besides, maybe some of what he said would get through to Quatre's dreams. Trowa hoped he was having a nice dream. One light and sunny, like Quatre deserved. 

  
  


Shutting the door without even a single peep, Trowa's feet were light as he approached the bed, and sat down in his own side of the bed. "I... I read your letter, Quatre. You are so sweet and innocent, you know that? I know so much about you, but I never realized that...." he paused as gently reached out slender fingers to stroke Quatre's blonde hair. He had forgotten how easily it could be confused for silk. "...That you would let yourself be mine, Quatre. The fact that you would let me call you mine, it makes me almost want to start crying, but I'm so busy smiling inside that I can't. And so, I will try to trust you, Quatre. I've never really trusted anybody, but I will do my best to try and trust you."

  
  


Quatre shifted, and Trowa pulled his hand away. Hadn't Quatre been sleeping? He hadn't been moving, his eyes had been shut, breathing deep and regular, and when he touched Quatre, he hadn't even felt his muscles flinch! Trowa's fears were relieved when Quatre just rolled over and flung out his arm to Trowa's side of the bed. Quatre called out his name. If Trowa had been sleeping like normal, he would have his arm around his waist, but instead Quatre's hand landed on his knee. Trowa continued.

  
  


"I... I want to tell you something, Quatre. It's something I've never told anyone. Not even Cathy." Trowa continued stroking his fingers through Quatre's hair. "Heero Yuy, as you know, was a politician dedicated to trying to resolve peace to the colonies and the Earth. However, he was assassinated. The Heero Yuy we know now, is only his codename. Myself, my codename was 03, Heavyarms, whatever people wanted to call me. My name too, belongs to a famous person.

  
  


Trowa Barton was the leader of the Barton Foundation, the people who originally came up with Operation Meteor. As you know, the Operation we underwent was not the original Meteor plan. You were chosen as a Gundam Pilot. Myself, I volunteered. I was a worker on the Gundam known as Heavyarms. My Gundam. I saw the man known as Trowa Barton shot and murdered when he demanded to go through with Operation Meteor. 

  
  


You know..." Trowa smiled down at Quatre. "Some people say that those Doctors don't have a consciousness, but I know they do. Just as I know you do with your Space-Heart. They just hide them very well, like Heero or I. Of course, I'm not very good at hiding them around you, now am I?

  
  


Anyway, Trowa Barton was murdered, and I took his place. But there is more to it than that. It all started when I was very little. I have very few memories of my past. The only really vivid one I have is from the time when I lost my parents, and my older sister. It was a car crash. OZ was involved somehow, but I can't seem to remember how. I don't remember anything else. Not even my name. So everyone, including myself, started calling my Nanashi. No name. 

  
  


After that, I joined a mercenary troop. They were very much like your Maguanacs, Quatre. I was raised by them. And I also hurt them. We picked up a young girl named Midii. Midii Une. She was wearing a locator, and led OZ to us. Many of my friends were killed. 

  
  


Do you see why it's so hard for me to trust, Quatre? I really liked the Midii Une girl, and she ended up being half of the reason why the people who were raising my, died. The other half of the reason was me, because I trusted her. Do you know why she did, Little One? To protect her family. To protect them from OZ. 

  
  


My dear little Quatre, I will try to trust, but first I have to learn to trust myself. Because I'm afraid that if I start to trust again, I'll let my guard down, and then people I care about may be hurt. That's part of why I'm telling you all about this while you are asleep. And one day, Quatre, I promise I'll tell you while you are awake." 

  
  


He slid Quatre's hand of his knee, and stood up, feeling the bed shift slightly. With a glance at the boy, whose eyes were tightly shut and his breathing still regular, Trowa turned from the room. He was stopped at the door by the sound of light feet behind him. Trowa was stopped from bolting from the room by slender yet firm arm encircle his waist. "Please don't go, Trowa."

  
  


Trowa leaned his forehead against the door. "You... you were awake the whole time."

  
  


"Yes." Quatre nodded, feeling the fabric of Trowa's shirt on his cheek. "Did you really think that I could sleep without you by my side?" he paused, and laughed after a moment. "You know, I can feel you blush all the way from back here." Quatre spun Trowa around, so that he could bury his face in Trowa's front. Quatre didn't like being in the back. The taller boy was still frozen. "Thank you, Trowa, for starting to trust me. And I truly am sorry if I started to undermine that blossoming trust by pretending to be asleep."

  
  


With trembling fingers, Trowa put a hand on the small of Quatre's back, making both of them suddenly relax. Touching each other seemed like heaven after barely even looking at each other for three days. He slowly smiled and kissed the top of Quatre's head. "It's okay. I understand." With his other hand, Trowa began brushing aside Quatre's bangs so he could see those beautiful blue-green eyes he loved so much. But Quatre pulled away. 

  
  


"Please don't go, Trowa." he repeated, lowering his eyes and clutching at his baby blue nightshirt. Trowa instantly knew something was wrong. He asked Quatre what it was, who just smiled lightly and rubbed his forehead, saying he had been so tired, he'd run into a wall one day. "I... I want you to stay here, with me!"

  
  


He stared at the blonde pilot, his face straight but eyes looking very sly. "But, Quatre," he pointed out. "I don't have my pajamas with me."

  
  


"So? You usually sleep in your boxers anyway. I'm the one who likes sleeping in pajamas, because it's so cold! After spending so much time with the Maguanacs in the desert, so many places seem cold!"

  
  


"But, Quatre," Trowa started again. "We both need sleep. And that will just make us more tired and sore for tomorrow at school."

  
  


"What will?" he asked innocently.

  
  


Trowa stared at Quatre, trying to figure out if he honestly didn't know or was playing innocent. He blushed furiously, and smiled. "Nevermind, Quatre." Trowa pulled Quatre close to him. "I'd be glad to stay here again." He reached a hand towards Quatre's chest and began to slowly undue the buttons on his shirt. "It's not fair that I'm the only one sleeping in boxers though. I'll keep you warm, Quatre." 

  
  


Quatre helped Trowa get his shirt off as he stepped out of his pants. He was wearing pink, blue, and white plaid boxers. Under his clothing was quickly discarded, Trowa had on plain green ones. They both fell back on the bed, and scurried to get under the bed covers. Safely under the covers, Quatre snuggled into Trowa's arms, where he looked up into Trowa's eyes. "I missed you so much, Trowa. Please don't ever leave me again. I love green on you, I really do, but not when it's all over your face."

  
  


"I missed you too, Quatre." Trowa answered, his smile small but bright. "I missed your laugh, your smile, your hair," he began running his fingers through Quatre's hair again. "Your eyes, your warmth, your friendliness, and your company. But I also missed your lips," Trowa bent his head and kissed Quatre softly on the lips. "Your taste," he kissed him again, longer and harder this time. Quatre moaned pleasurably in response. "That sound you make when I press the right buttons. "I missed your mind, your whining, your lectures when I get home late, your flirting, and everything else that makes me love you." He lowered his head to kiss Quatre along his neck, pulling him closer. "Now what did you miss about me?"

  
  


"Your ass."

  
  


Trowa pulled his head up and looked Quatre straight in the eye. Quatre had a goofy smile plastered on his face and was trying hard not to laugh. Trowa just shook his head and leaned his forehead against Quatre's. He planned on making Quatre pay for teasing him, but saw Quatre flinch in pain. "What is it?" he asked, concerned. Trowa sighed when he remembered. "Let me see." Quatre tried to pull away, so Trowa rolled him over unto his back, and pinned him to the bed. 

  
  


He swallowed hard, staring up at Trowa above him. Quatre could feel himself shake slightly, but he wasn't sure what it was for. Scared what Trowa would say when he saw the nasty bruise Quatre had inflicted upon himself? Or was it just because Trowa had pinned him so easily to the bed? He closed his eyes and tried to let his muscles relax, turning his head to the side so that Trowa could see the bruise for himself. Gentle fingers lifted the blonde bangs aside and he heard Trowa swear. 

  
  


"You did this walking into a wall?"

  
  


"No. I... I... I fell asleep at my desk and fell over unto it."

  
  


"Please stop lying to me, Quatre. If I'm going to trust you, shouldn't you trust me?"

  
  


Quatre tightened his closed eyes. "I was so frustrated at myself that I started banging my head against the desk to make myself feel better." he waited for the stinging lecture he knew would come from Trowa, but instead he felt a warm hand tilt his head up and kiss him on the lips. He opened his eyes in surprise. "Aren't you going to yell at me?"

  
  


"Not now. That was for trusting me. I'll make sure to give you the extra long lecture tomorrow morning." Trowa place on a finger on Quatre's nose. "I told you that we weren't going to sleep if we shared a bed. We both need to rest, Quatre, so go too sleep, okay?"

  
  


"Okay." He felt tears come to his eyes, and he snuggled into Trowa when the taller pilot had unpinned him. He wiped them away. Now that he had his Trowa back, he felt like his broken heart was repairing itself. "Are you still going to go away, Trowa? Because now that you and I have stopped fighting, I don't mind if you do-" he was silenced by another kiss from Trowa. 

  
  


"I told you, we can leave everything else until tomorrow. Now go to sleep, Quatre."

  
  


"Yes sir...." Quatre yawned as he closed his eyes that had not seen sleep in ages, making sure that the first thing he told Trowa in the morning was how much he loved him. 

  
  


****The End


End file.
